Short jokes
Why did the dog join the marching band?
Because he had his trum-bone.
Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives!
The bright side of this pandemic is now both my hands look equally chapped and raw.
How do you make a plumber cry?
Break his pipes...
Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.
Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!
I will tell you a joke--your life.
Why can’t orphans be a space ship? Because they don’t have a mothership!
When Trump goes to the beach, he doesn't use suntan lotion. He uses Dorito dust, and it stays on for the rest of his life.
I called my dog J. They said, "Joné."
I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.
Person A: Hey, what's the next subject?
Person B: Let me check.
Person B: It's greenglish!
I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
I named my dog "J," and everyone thought I said "jam."
Hahahaahhahahahah my joje.
I had bullies behind me on the street, but they were too fat and slow, so they got ran over by a truck that represents fat and slow.
What do a blackjack dealer and my uncle have in common?
They both hit me face down on the table.
Pooooooooooop!
Pigeons can be annoying at times, especially when their bones get stuck in-between your teeth.
Tumblr people: "There are an infinite amount of genders."
The cannibal kid: "Bitch, please. There's just one gender: Food."