Short jokes
Me: Your ugly...
Person: I'm not your mirror...
Me: I never told you to be my mirror :p
I would have loved to ride the Titanic at least once ;)
iykyk
Bubba couldn't make rent, so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead.
I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.
Trump is so orange that he makes the Oompa Loompas look white.
Why can orphans only use Samsung?
Because they don't have a home button.
what do you call a terrorist attack in india?
a wednesday.
You are the reason double doors were invented.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?
You cook spaghetti with his blood!
Did you hear about the fish and chips? The fish got battered, the chips got salted.
Your hairline is so bad, when you look in the mirror, your hairline looks like an endangered species.
Your hairline is Vegeta’s upside down!
Why aren’t Indian Pakistanis allowed in the World Cup of baseball?
Every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
Stephen Hawking: like a cross between Nikola Tesla and... a Tesla.
Last words of the mayor of Hiroshima: “What the fuck was that noise?”
Captain of the Titanic: “Where’s all that f***ing water coming from?”
Oh, look! It's Uranus!
Latest news: a new planet has appeared close to Uranus.
There was a new kid in my school. The first thing the teacher said was, "Me, you, the basement NOW!"