Short jokes
Two nuts were walking down the street, and one was a-salted!
A man was taking a child into a dark forest.
The child said, "I'm scared!"
The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast any time," so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
— Steven Wright
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
How do stars die? Usually a overdose in an airport.
Sleep, but make it forever.
Some dude: Water you thinking?
Me: You're drowning in my head.
What will Reddit be without the robot logo?
Reddot.
I like peanut butter and honey.
There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?
Yo daddy so poor, when yo mama ask for sum child support money, yo dad don’t have it! 🤣
What is it called when young sheep bet?
LAMbling.
(haven't uploaded yesterday cuz couldn't think of a joke)
"Mixed vegetables is just special ed class, change my mind."
What do you call a train that stalls?
The little engine that couldn't!
Why can't a steam locomotive sit down?
Because it has a tender behind.
A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."
Why do orphans have dry cereal?
Because they're still waiting on the milk.
Alfred the Great was arguably the greatest king in England’s history.
The worst? Richard the Goat Fucker.
Junkyard dogs may be mean, but the meanest dogs are the ones guarding concentration camps.
What do you call a smart pig?
A Swinestein.