People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!
What activity do nuns and whores have in common?
Answer: Genuflection.
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."
What do you call an artist with a brown finger?
Picasshole.
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
What's the difference between three cocks and a joke?
Your mom can't take a joke.
Even though I look completely white, I am apparently 70% black!
Until I realized that it was a mouth swab test.
God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:
God: No, I don’t want to.
When Helen Keller tries singing the national anthem at the Super Bowl,
Aaaaaaaaaa Aaaaaaaaaa Aaaaaaaaaa.
UU looks like boobies, hehe.
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮💨
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
I have a lot of respect for trans women.
That surgery takes balls!
If the UK is 6 hours ahead of us, why didn't they just warn us about 9/11?
Humor is like skin; the darker it gets, the less people like it.
Pulled pork? Yeah, I cranked my hog today, too.
