Short jokes
They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦
You look good with anything, but nothing works too.
My attitude doesn't have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head.
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?
It was only 3/5 full.
Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.
What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?
"Let us pray."
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
Why did the terrorist masturbate and smoke weed on the plane?
He was told to high-jack it.
What’s a German’s favorite drink? Orange Jews. Hundred percent concentrated.
Why can't fat kids play poker?
They eat all the chips.
What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?
A doppelgangbang.
What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.
If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"
Donald Trump took the bullet better than Joe Biden took the stairs.
Do you think when the Secret Service heard the gunshot they were like, "Donald Duck"?
What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.
My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.