Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.
Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.
Me: Oh, I already tried that.
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
Friend 1: *turns off lights*
Friend 2: *is there with us*
Me: Woah! Where did friend 2 go?!
What do you call an orange on a small stick?
Donald Trump.
I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.
All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."
What's an emo's favorite way of growing food?
The slash and burn tactic.
JFK and Abe Lincoln were some of the most open-minded presidents ever.
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
I’m going to open my own Mexican restaurant and call it boarder patrol.
Have you guys heard about the crazy shadow glitch in the game Sonic X? Just google "Sonic X Shadow."
Vote for Kris!
What do gingers miss most at a grate party?
The invitation.
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
What did the Twin Towers say to each other?
Sorry if that offended anyone.
“I guess we are going down together!”
Having homosexual parents must be terrible.
Either you have a double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in a cycle of "go ask your mom".
I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.
I’m a faux pa.
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?
Condoms.
How did the hamburger know he needed new pants?
His buns were too tight.
I turned gay because my wife is too poor.
