Short jokes
Alfred the Great was arguably the greatest king in England’s history.
The worst? Richard the Goat Fucker.
Junkyard dogs may be mean, but the meanest dogs are the ones guarding concentration camps.
What do you call a smart pig?
A Swinestein.
What's grey and can't fly? A parking lot.
Voicemailing.
What’s another name for a cow?
You... cause you're fat.
"Hotel Rwanda" has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes, but their Yelp reviews are terrible.
I had a dog with an eating disorder.
He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.
2 weeks here.
What do dicks and popsicles have in common?
They both like to be sucked on, and they sometimes choke you.
Why are sex toys something to stuff in your asshole and not a big racecar?
Las Vegas has a new 550-foot-tall Ferris wheel, hoping to gain tourists.
What’s already gaining “tourists”? Whores.
What is a Mexican’s favorite band?
Twenty Juan Pilots.
Son: I love you, Dad.
Dad gets in car and drives away.
What do gum and guns have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.
Why can’t you yell at a kid?
Because the cops are after you.
Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?
A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
I'm not a chef, but boy, are these days getting harder and harder to get through.
How come none of my friends have dungeons? Oddly enough, they all have "rape dungeons."
What games do monks play a lot?
Among Us.