Short jokes
You must have a good power supply, because you're easy to turn on!
Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box!
When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.
Hey ummm help!
When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?
I think that you're an accident!
Once I saw a girl crying and asked, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at orphanages.
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
Your life, that's all.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ligma.
Ligma who?
Ligma balls!
What is a Mexican's only obstacle?
Border patrol.
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
1. just feeling sad. 2. depression. 3. self harm. 4. suicide.
They can't say no if they're unconscious.
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
How do you punish a blind kid?
Rearrange the furniture.
A gay wizard went to a bar and disappeared with a poof!
What do ya call a legless prostitute in a strawberry field?
A jammy cunt.
Unlike the Americans, Hitler knew when to kill himself.