Short jokes
What do you call chill legumes?
Hippeas.
When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients!
What do you get when you cross a rooster with a small dog?
Two nuts were walking down the street, and one was a-salted!
A man was taking a child into a dark forest.
The child said, "I'm scared!"
The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast any time," so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
— Steven Wright
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
How do stars die? Usually a overdose in an airport.
Sleep, but make it forever.
Some dude: Water you thinking?
Me: You're drowning in my head.
What will Reddit be without the robot logo?
Reddot.
I like peanut butter and honey.
There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?
Yo daddy so poor, when yo mama ask for sum child support money, yo dad don’t have it! 🤣
What is it called when young sheep bet?
LAMbling.
(haven't uploaded yesterday cuz couldn't think of a joke)
"Mixed vegetables is just special ed class, change my mind."
What do you call a train that stalls?
The little engine that couldn't!
Why can't a steam locomotive sit down?
Because it has a tender behind.
A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."
Why do orphans have dry cereal?
Because they're still waiting on the milk.