Short jokes
The other day my brother hit me. I yelled for mom. No one responded.
The other day my mom called me a retard.
I'm now an orphan.
Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Not your parents.
My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"
Yo mama's so fat, she woke up on both sides of the bed.
Yo mama so fat when she laid on a water bed, she laid on the whole Pacific Ocean.
I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.
Why did the director have an injured leg? Cause he couldn't find the right cast.
Did the leaf or the emo fall out of the tree? The leaf won. The rope stopped the emo.
A teacher says, "What comes before 47?" Quiet kid: "AK!"
You should always be happy about family and love.
kapteyn = captain
When someone keeps talking while you are trying to focus on something, what is the rudest thing you can say to them?
SHUT UP!!!
What do you call a funny drink?
Punch!
Q: Sex is great, only your mate can sometimes be a little nuts!
(I am still a single young virgin.)
What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?
You need more dressing.
I hate life, and I'm gay.
What's the difference between a drill and a priest?
Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!
Your mom wants to tell you that you're adopted, but you were an orphan.
How does a Muslim close a door? He islams it.