Short jokes
What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.
I saw my friend hang themselves. My response was, I guess they wanted to hang with someone.
My favorite species is a cheetah because
Ima cheet-ah on the test.
My sister said I'm stupid and I'm a baby, and I said, "Oh, I didn't know we were talking about you."
Rocks are used too much; people take 'em for granite.
What animal can't you trust with your homework?
A: A cheetah!
Why don't chickens and sheep get along?
Because they have beef between them.
Best friend: Let’s get tattoos of our parents.
Orphan: I don’t have parents.
My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.
Why can’t orphans buy ice cream?
They don’t have money.
Just look up texting jokes. Don't ask why, just do it.
You know I want an ADHD cure.
When?
Squirrel!
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
I take all my anger out on orphans. Why?
Because they have no parents to run to.
What do you call an idiot who walks on the road when cars are coming?
Fresh roadkill.
He do American feel like Trump is the president, he is stupid like soup.
What is the difference between a plane and a helicopter?
A plane hits a building, but a helicopter hits the floor.
What does NASA stand for?
Need a star A.S.A.P.!
What did the mustard say to the ketchup? "Quit running so fast, let me ketchup to you."
Apple
Apple
Apple
Apple
Apple
Orange you glad I didn't say apple again?