My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking, so I brought home some tampons.
Short Jokes
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.
Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.
Slit your wrists.
Imagine this... you're a lesbian, and you're doing it with your cannibal girlfriend. You say, "Eat me, baby!"
She pulls out a knife and fork.
I liked the chocolate mousse cake joke.
Yo mama so ugly Joe Biden was jelly.
You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?
I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.
Did you?
Yo Mama so fat, she has a Twinkie inside of a Twinkie inside of her fat ass motherfucking belly button!
When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic!
Last Christmas, I took a picture of your mom.
It's still printing.
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
Why is the cheetah so fast?
Because it can't walk slow.
What's the difference between dad jokes and bad jokes?
The letter b.
Why don't you see any more fat Chinese men?
Because the last Chinese man was in WW2.
I said "Uranus!" and the girl beside me face-palmed. I wonder what I did wrong?
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the British bastard and get the egg roll.
What did Papyrus say when Sans served spaghetti to Frisk?
BONE-Appetit!
What do you call sex in the World Trade Center?
An inside job.
