Short jokes

You see, my son is very into astronomy.

Son: How do stars die?

Dad: Usually overdose, son.

I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.

Why can't an orphan play basketball?

Because no one will be cheering them on.

What restaurant does Africa own? M.T. Bellies.

What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.

I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.

When the school shooter is right outside the classroom window, and the autistic kid starts trying to say hello to him.

Roses are red, Your mum's a queer, Fucking hell, Can’t get out of first gear!

Friend: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

Friend: Your life.

Me: Ahhh, I wish!

*jumps off building*

Your mom is fat, oh yeah, oh yeah, uh, uhhh.

Your forehead is so big that teachers use it as a whiteboard.

Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!

When you think about it, Hitler wasn’t a bad person. He killed Hitler.

I tried to get my blood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside.

What was Hitler's lucky number?

Nein.

What do you call a Scottish Muslim with drug problems?

(Said in a Scottish accent) "Amaffmaheed."

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

When you hide in the girl's bathroom so the school shooter won't go in there: 😃

When you notice that the school shooter is female: 😟

People are really upset with the Trump-Biden debate.

So much so, that Chris Wallace has requested to change his name.

I remember the time that Gordon Ramsay did an African food episode... it was a short episode. Too bad he couldn’t find any.

I just wanted to write something random.

And now my wife is dead.