Short jokes
Q. What makes music on your hair?
A. A headband!
Q. What's the most musical bone?
A. The trom-bone!
Don't make fun of fat people. They already have a lot on their plate.
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
Q. What's long, hard, and scary when you first see it?
A. Calculus homework.
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
Women: Can I have your number?
Jesus: No.
Women: Why? Are you scared?
Jesus: No. Just when you wanna talk, just pray.
Girl: Rip, mother, I love you.
Me: Sorry for your loss.
Girl: Stop, I have a boyfriend.
Me: Stop, I have a mother.
This girl called me cute, and I told her don’t call me that. She says why, I told her, “Bitch, call me the Hokage!”
Why do Americans always win at the shooting Olympics?
Because they train at the best school.
This kid lost Kahoot, so he shot up the school.
"Better lock 'em doors and turn the lights down low... Better turn 'em on, just stubbed my f***ing toe!"
Why did my mouth say no to butt? Because that would be too much sex.
Why can't you kill a depressed person?
Because they are already dead inside.
Drawers!
What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?
Hang in there!
Would you rather watch PL or suck a dick?
Adapt: lemme fart on that dick.
Kid to daddy: "Why do they call it Uranus?"
Daddy to kid: "Cause, son, it's Uranus."
Yo mama so fat, when she landed on the earth, the earth cracked like eggs. LOL.
Where do you buy a dishwasher?
Hot singles in your area.