Short jokes
Your mom so fat, Thanos had to clap!
Yooo, D.K. here!
Haymoohay?
I thought about going on an all-almond diet.
But that’s just nuts.
When the school shooter enters the classroom and it's the quiet kid's dad.
Hey Gwen, reply to me and say if everything is alright.
Hey D.K., how are you? :)
Love you!
Good luck, Gwen, with everything!
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up.
If you get it, you get it.
"Look at these kids stealing ideas, bro. They're going to jail."
Why is there a middle school?
Because the kids that go there are middle class families.
Why do kids like bananas?
'Cause they like doing the nana.
What is one word orphans can't spell?
Family.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
*slaps* "We ask ze questions!"
What do you call James Bond in a bathtub?
Bubble 007.
What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?
They both erupt when triggered.
Are you my pantry? Because you look like a snack ;)
Hello, welcome to Joe’s Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I help you today?
I was digging and found some gold. I was going to tell my mom, then I remembered why I was digging.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
I put on the wrong socks this morning.