Short jokes
Somebody told me to type "Up" by Cardi B. So here it goes:
Up
A common question I get as a doctor is, do vaccines cause autism? Well!, I was vaccinated, so.....
What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?
"Looks like a rerun."
Skibidi bop mmm dada BOOOOOM!
How did the guy rob the water park?
He used a water gun!
LOL 💦🔫💧🌊
Why did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?
To get them into his van.
What do you call a Mexican Transformer? Optimus Juan!
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
What's the most expensive haircut?
Chemotherapy.
Lil Johnny went to school and said, "Teacher, if you let me poop my pants, I will let you have my dad and his money. Will you do it, Mrs. Johnson?"
My nuts hurt; if you pull them, I will scream.
My nuts tickle; scratch them, and I won’t like you no more.
What do you call a favorite joke that isn’t your favorite?
None fave. Foch heads.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.
What’s the name of the band in the gay bar?
A: Beers for Queers.
Helen Keller was a pilot in 9/11.
What does Joyce from the show "Stranger Things" say when she has a flat tire? "Wheil, wheil, wheres wheil?"
What show do orphans never watch?
"Fuller House."
Why are orphans' funerals so small?
They have no loved ones.
What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a computer? Ctrl+Alt+Delete.