Short jokes
Accounting Chapter 12: Long-term Liabilities (FULL TEXT)
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.
A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?
Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.
A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?
Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.
What show has something orphans will never have?
American Dad!
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
Why can't fat kids change a tire?
They would eat the donut.
If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?
What’s better than the best thing ever?
Me being mod.
"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."
"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."
Little Johnny goes to his mum and asks, "Mummy, what's rape?"
Little Johnny's mum answers, "The way you got here."
I wasn't going to tell another rape joke but fuck it.
Why did Hitler keep on f***ing England?
Because it had a Great Booty!
Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?
A. A Notsee.
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
What is the difference between a brown bear and a polar bear?
About a few thousand miles.