Short jokes
What's the one thing that you don't have but celebrities do?
Lots of fans.
Question: Why does my teenage brother wear a cape to bed?
Answer: Because he can't sleep in his race car bed...
Dad joke.
Why does a dad get more than a pair of socks at the golf course?
Because of a hole in one!
The cashier kicked me out because when he asked for 99 cents, I gave him 99 scents.
Why can't you have a tall dog? You will have pups in a week.
Why can't orphans play soccer? Because they can't practice with their dad.
Go to an orphanage and tell a kid his parents came back.
What's the best part about a dead prostitute?
The second hour is free.
Why are there no guns in China? They might do some "ting wong!"
Robin Williams' death was the most horrible impression ever given. (RIP Robin Williams, you will be missed!)
For all the Harry Potter fans:
A VPN is occlumency for smart devices, and our ISP is a legilimens.
One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"
A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.
The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...
"Don't let your guard down."
There's a blind hooker in town.
She never sees anyone coming.
What do Evil Knievel and Michael Jackson have in common? Both have skidmarks on their helmets.
You can't call yourself a baby boomer if you have never detonated an infant.
When you suffer from depression and somebody tells you to just cheer up-- Me: My goodness, what an idea! Why didn't I think of this before?
Everyone give this joke a thumb's down and see if it can become the worst rated joke on the site.
What does Michael Jackson and a lion have in common?
They're both predators.
If messyourself was on the Titanic, he would die first.