Short jokes
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
On the day of 9/11, the WTC's ordered cheese and pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.
Why did Wilson die? Cuz he sucks!
When your mom says it will all be ok if you just......... *there is blood on the floor*
Dad: "I'll be back in a minute."
20 years later
Orphan: "Dad?"
I played Kobe Bryant on 2k14, but my console somehow kept crashing.
Her: I love Kobe Bryant!
Me: Helicopter Helicopter
Her:.....
Me: At least you don't say save the trees, cus damn Kobe is good.
I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"
I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."
You so gay you have a fat sis and?
It’s funny my sister wanted to have sex with me.
What’s a witch’s favorite makeup?
Ma-SCARE-a!
My life, but wait, jokes actually have meaning.
My bestie: Are you dirty-minded?
Me: Do I have dirt in my mind? No.
Why did the old man win in a fight? Because he was stressed.
What's Mussolini's favorite food?
Fussolini!
Your hairline goes back to when Adam and Eve were born.
Shrek and the Hulk became politicians.
And they created The Green Party.
What does a man with 20 children do now?
Now he eats sausages even with cellophane.