Short jokes
Why do they call it America when literally nothing is free?
Kid: Wanna hear a joke?
Me: Sure.
Kid: Why diddncjcjcbfjcbcjdbbskzmzj b b j no?
Me:?
I can't fake the smile for long, as there is weight hanging at both of its ends called depression.
"Hold my beer, watch this."
I wouldn't call a Suicide Help-line even if my life depended on it.
Teacher: What's 55 flowers plus 67 flowers?
Kid: A garden?
Teacher: Did I tell you that you're adopted?
What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?
When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."
Girls are like roller coasters; the faster you go, the louder they scream.
What did the tomato say to the empty ketchup bottle? "GOD STAY AWAY FROM ME!"
Bunger.
What is the difference between Madeleine McCann and a submarine?
They are both full of seamen and are at the bottom of the ocean.
What is an orange cucumber?
A carrot, duh!
What’s a green cucumber?
A carrot.
JFK is definitely a bottom.
JFK
Half is definitely a bottom.
I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.
When I feel depressed, I like to cut myself another piece of cake.
What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.
The average Irish person consumes 131.1 litres of beer, almost as much as your mum at night.
In America, 1 in 10 houses has a paedophile.
Not me, I live next to a smoking hot 8-year-old.