Short jokes
My life is like a grenade... I pull off the ring and, BOOM, it explodes!
You know what would be the best last thing to say before you die? "No, you certainly can't." JFK's assassin certainly can!
My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."
Huh what you say?
Come fight me, suck a dick.
What does my uncle call a school?
A strip club.
My name is Myria, my right nut.
How does a cannibal like his meat?
Human.
Somebody shouts "Fire!"
Man 1: Get the children out!
Man 2: F*** the children!
Man 3: We don't have time!
Why shouldn't you let a Chinese person play baseball?
'Cause they'll eat the bat!
What do you call a blank piece of paper?
Women's rights.
brb makin' tic tac toe boards on myself.
Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.
Yo mama so fat, that’s why people don’t want to marry her, except for fat guys.
Your mama so fat that’s why Hulk gets big.
Yo mama so fat that the Avengers team had to snap five times and say, "Oh my God!"
Why did the frog cross the road to hop to his side, Bih?
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
"Don’t look! I saw you peeking through the window."