Me: I'm retarded.
Teacher: Why?
Me: It took me 2 hours to see "60 Minutes."
Short Jokes
When a kid says, "I'm a pedophile," it means that he has a crush on one of his classmates.
When an adult says it, he is accused as a rapper.
What is the most useless part of a vagina?
The woman.
Life is like a game of chess.
I don’t know how to play chess.
What's big and round?
Mine and not yours.
Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?
Thing 2: I don't know, what?
Thing 1: One gets hard faster.
What is an orphan's family tree?
A stump.
Do you want to wear my sombrero?
Or is that nacho style?
What does your head come out of... your brain?
What is money called in space?
Star bucks.
Hot man is sexy.
How cool is NASA?
Not cool at all.
Why is it painful to have your attorney with you in the hospital?
The damages are severe.
The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not your dad."
Then he says, "What comes after 47?"
The quiet kid says, "AK."
Kid: Imagine being an orphan!
Parents: Look who's talking, not you 'cause you ain't got no one to talk to! *vanishes*
Kid: WAIT, WHAT!
Your mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete cracked up.
Forehead is so big that you wear a bed sheet for a bandana.
What is a nonce's favorite toy...? You.
What do gay people get for Christmas?
Discrimination.
What do you say before you jump off a building?
Parkour!
