Stephen Hawking walks into a bar, just kidding.
I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak, and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.
I don't have a carbon footprint; I just drive everywhere.
What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
I was thinking about you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
Normal people have a four-head, but bro... you got a fourteen-head.
Someone: Didn’t we already meet somewhere?
Me: Yeah. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.
What's the difference between an orphan and a dew?
One goes up and one goes down.
I am a good role model, because you look up to me. Deez nuts!
Q: Why did the ballerina get kicked off the squad?
She was standing way too close to the dancers.
Why can't orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Because there is no family.
Your dick is so small they thought you were a girl when you came into the world.
What do 7 year old girls want?
To be ate!
Orphans' calendar consists of 362 days. Why?
Because they don't got homecoming, Father's Day, and Mother's Day.
What's the difference between an orphan and a puppy?
Parents enjoy the presents of a puppy.
If you give this a thumbs down, you're gay. If you give it a thumbs up, you're straight.
The cannibal says to the other cannibal, "I like it when humans fall from the sky because then they are meateor."
This joke's short just like Joe Biden's penis.
Oh wait, if I were to make a joke to the size of Joe Biden's penis, I wouldn't write a joke.
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
What's the difference between my ass and the toddlers in my uncle's basement?
My ass doesn't cry when he sticks it in late at night.
