Short jokes
Yo momma is so ugly, she gets rejected by dead people.
Yo momma so fat, she farts out volcanoes.
I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.
He hugged me!
I meant because.
Why don't pirates take a bath before walking the plank?
'Cause they just wash up onshore.
What kind of tree can you High-Five?
A palm tree.
What is big and bouncy and walks on stilts?
Person 1: Somebody farted.
Person 2: No, all I can smell is your breath.
A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.
Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road?
To get to the dark side.
My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.
My parents used to make me and my siblings apologize to the ground when we stomped.
If I had done "it," I would have gotten SO many apologies.
"Stop bullying me!"
No.
Kenny: "Tyler, you're lucky you're adopted."
Tyler: "Why?"
Kenny: "Because you can fuck your mom without getting arrested for incest."
I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.
If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.
If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.
People said that Kobe could fly so high, but that did not end well.
Remember 2000? It was scary.