What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
What do you say to a ugly girl who claims to have been raped?
“Are you sure you didn’t rape him?”
I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.
Why did the guy's birthday party stink?
Because he was turning farty!
Yesterday, a guy threw a liter of milk at me.
How dairy!
What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa Claus.
Snap chat: Aaron10128
Nut
Bro, imagine shooting a school for autistic people.
What is the best part of a turkey? The drumstick!
How do you fit 100 rape victims inside a Mini Cooper?
In the ashtray.
Why do squirrels love dick?
Because it produces nut.
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What do squirrels eat at the fair? A-corn dog.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
