Short jokes
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
Your mum is so fat that when she wore a yellow coat people called taxi!
Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?
The recoil.
Why can't orphans call their friends?
Because they don't have a home phone!
What holds the sun ☀️ up in the sky?
Sunbeams.
How do you know when you're disliked?
When they always give you the camera for group photos.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.
At gym class today, my friend made this song:
🎵 I’m a Barbie girl, I am fantastic, my boobs are plastic!
*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?
girl: Are you saying I'm fat?
What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?
Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.
My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.
So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.
"I want to kill my family."
-realizes-
If someone is mean to an orphan just say, "I will call your mum," and make them cry even more.
Why can’t orphans watch Netflix?
Because they don't know what age rate they are...
I love orphans, so at least they know someone loves them.
When it's ready for pickup today, I have to get my stimulus payment for a while, and then we'll go to bed... 🥱🥹🥺
What do orphans, parents, and Nemo have in common?
Neither can be found.
Why does Apple logo depict 1 byte in the 21st century?
What's red and green and goes 100 miles per hour? A frog in a blender.