Shop jokes

Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.

Why can't orphans go to Costco?

Because it's a family shop.

When I saw Stephen Hawking for the first time, I knew he had been in a shop!!! I lieeeeeeeeed! 🤣🤣🤣

An orphan walks into a shop but gets lost, so he calls his mum but then remembers.

School shootings are everywhere. In ice cream shops and even the woods.

What's the difference between a government and a pawn shop?

They lower you.

Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.

Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?

I think it got lockjaw after that.

I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"

Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."

My forehead blew up because I saw yours at the forehead shop!

Why don't Pakis play football? Every time they get a corner, they build a shop.

What do you call security guards working outside of Samsung shops?

Guardians of the Galaxy. 🌌

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because on his side, there was a KFC shop.

I went to a gun shop yesterday. Everything was half off. I didn't know that back to school sales have begun.

Dude, your last name sounds like a seafood shop, Jordan C.!

What is the legal term for shoplifting?

10 fingers discount.

Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."

Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."

Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."

Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."

McNeill's mom wrote a shopping list for supper:

cabbage _50

Carrots-50

Cooking fat -100

Onions_20

Tomato-20

salt-10

Total=250

She gave McNeill the list to get the ingredients.

McNeill took long to return home from the shopping.

His mom decided to call McNeill to ask why are taking long. McNeill answered, "I have all the ingredients, but I'm looking for total."

I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!

*walks into sex shop*

Hello. I would like to buy 1 sex, please.