She jokes
My Mum texted me she had lost her phone.
My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.
Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"
When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.
She later made me a sandwich, and she cut the crust off it.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my other girlfriend.
Yo mama is so old, when I told her to act her age, she died.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Your mum's so fat, she broke Britain too!
Yo mama is so stupid that she called pest control for gym rats.
Your mama is so ugly, she summoned Bloody Mary.
She handed her an application through the mirror.
Yo momma's so ugly, when she threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!
Your mom is so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest, they said they don't allow professionals.
Madeline McCann must have been homeless or something, she was sure eager for the free candy.
One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.
Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."
Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!
Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!
The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.
The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?
A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.
I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”
The other day I went on a romantic cruise in Hawaii. Then I met my girl Zendaya on board. She was shaking her ass and playing with her penis. Then she asked me, "Hey, you wanna make love in the cabin?" I said, "Sure, sweet thang," gave me her number, kissed me on the cheek. Next day she woke up because it was a romantic nightmare.