She jokes

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

Yo mama so fat, she fell off the judgement room and broke the 7 layers of hell.

My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.

Why does your grandma like gardening so much?

Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.

Yo mama is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches sofa.

My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."

Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

Because orange is the new black.

Yo mama so fat when she sits down, she sits next to everyone!

A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?

Her boner.

What is the worst part about making an Asian girl squirt?

She charges you for extra sauce!

My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.

Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.

What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?

Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.

What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?

Slick her hair, she looks 15.

My girlfriend accuse me of cheating. I asked her what was I supposed to do? She was just lying naked she said just do the damn autopsy.

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."

Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!

Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!

The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.

The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?

A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.

I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.

The other day I went on a romantic cruise in Hawaii. Then I met my girl Zendaya on board. She was shaking her ass and playing with her penis. Then she asked me, "Hey, you wanna make love in the cabin?" I said, "Sure, sweet thang," gave me her number, kissed me on the cheek. Next day she woke up because it was a romantic nightmare.