What did Sally get for her birthday? A football!
Only joking; she hasn't opened the box yet.
She Jokes
Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.
Yo mama so stupid, when she was in court and the judge said, "Order, order," she said, "Pizza."
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? Because she has no arms.
How does the author of Harry Potter get around?
She walks, JK, Rowling!
What did one male whale say to the other male whale?
"She's gonna blow!"
Q: Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
A: She got hit by a bus.
Yo Mama is so stupid, she thought the football team Rams were actually the animal rams.
Yo mama so fat, she could fly a hot air balloon by letting out her gas.
Why did Michael Jackson divorce LMP? She didn't want to give him kids.
Yo mama is so fat, she falls off both sides of the bed.
A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"
She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."
Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"
Why did Stephanie fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Not Stephanie!
My nan coughed and threw up a lung. Now she is dead.
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
Your mum is so poor, she can't afford free samples.
SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"
Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"
Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...
My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."
So, Dora is having a sleepover with her cousin Diego at Dora's house. Later that night, Dora's mom hears someone screaming, "Go Diego go!" for at least a couple of minutes, and then it stops, and she goes back to sleep.
But then she hears the same thing a couple of minutes later, so she walks in and hears "Go Diego go!" She walks over to Diego's sleeping bag and looks, and it's empty, so she walks over to Dora's sleeping bag and looks in and sees Dora getting f
... by Diego and hears Dora saying, "Go Diego go!" while moaning.
Hellen Keller once said, "love is not something you see or hear, it is something you feel," but of course she said it like this "fbfebsovbforbw urbwbwvorb."
There was one girl. She met 5000 guys. She had sex with each of them seven times. She became... - flip screen (=).
