She jokes

Your momma so fat, when she stepped on the weighing scales, her phone number came up!

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where's Trump's clock?"

"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.

As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.

Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."

Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.

Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."

Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?

Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.

Yo mama is so fat, she falls off both sides of the bed.

I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."

What’s the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?

Slicker hair back she looks 15.

Yo mama so poor that when she went to KFC, she had to lick other people's fingers.

So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.

So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."

Your mama's so fat, she needed NASA to make her ID card!

Yo mama so hairy that she got a haircut and lost 47 pounds.

Yo mama is so dumb that she went to the eye doctor just to buy an iPhone.

Yo mama so ugly,

my screen cracked when she took her photo!

Yo mama so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund.

I saw a fat woman at the bus stop today, so I asked her, "When's it due?"

She replied, "I'm not fucking pregnant, you rude prick!"

I said, "I meant the bus, you fat cunt!"

Yo mama so fat, she could fly a hot air balloon by letting out her gas.

Yo mama is so ugly, she made dirt look like a supermodel.

Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!

My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.

Yo mama so fat,

she fell off BOTH sides of the bed!