She jokes

3 boys were having a debate about who had the healthiest grandma.

Boy 1: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 67 years old and can still do a backflip!"

Boy 2: "No, I have the healthiest grandma. She is 76 years old and can still finish a marathon!"

Boy 3: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 85 and she is in the hospital..."

Boy 1 and 2, looking confused.

Boy 1: "If she's so healthy, why is she in the hospital?"

Boy 3: "Because she's giving birth right now!"

Yo mama so old, she pre-ordered the Bible.

Ur mom is so fat that when she came to the front door, she was already at the back door.

So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.

Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."

And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"

Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"

There’s this girl who gets bullied for being in a wheelchair.

Why don’t she stand up for herself?

Yo mama is so ugly, when she goes to the photographer, he shoots himself.

No one. Beyoncé said "To the left, to the left!" She really meant women have no rights.

Mommy is a YouTuber, she can never spend time with me.

So my sis thinks she's so smart. She said, "You can finish this move ten minutes later. Go to sleep."

My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."

A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."

Yo mama is so fat, she sat on a quarter and popped a booger out of George Washington's nose.

When you ask your sister if she wanna smash, but then she grabs the Switch.

Why was the orphan so successful?

When they told him, "Go big or go home," he/she only had one option.

A girl invites her friends to come to her birthday party, and at the party, one of her friends poops their pants.

When Sally finds out, she yells, “I never should have invited you to my party! You are a party pooper!”

I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.

When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"

I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."

An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.

"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.

"I'm going down to give blood."

"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"

"About $30."

"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."

The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.

"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"

"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.

Doin your mom doin doin your mom

You know we straight with doin your mom

I'm doin your mom. Yes yours!

I first saw her in the Wal-Mart pickin out your drawers.

Big Dolly Parton hair like an 80s prom queen

But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom-jeans.

I approached her in the checkout line, and said yo baby wassup?

She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs.

Five minutes later she agreed to get with me

So we went and rocked the minivan like Giggity. Giggity. Giggity.

I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart.

I gave her a lift back to her crib cause her car wouldn't start.

She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.

How many times I tap that ass? OVER 9000!

Yeah. She called me Pledge cause I knocked the dust off it.

She later made me a sandwich and she cut the crust off it.

Cause she knows how I like it, and that I'm a little young

To be in the bed, butt-naked doin your mom.

Doin your mom doin doin your mom

You know we straight with doin your mom

I like your mama's big butt, and I cannot lie.

You other brothers can't deny that she's fly.

We make sexy time, yes and every night I tap that.

She saw me butt-naked, now she thinks I'm half black.

But your moms the best, the super M.I.L.F.

Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain't a chef

And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol

But If I were you, I wouldn't kiss your mom on the mouth at all.

She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez.

Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed.

She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I'll be honest

She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna.

She's so therapeutic. When I need to cure my restlessness

I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your moms breastestess.

I didn't wanna tell you, but I had to write this song

Cause I'm in your house every night doin your mo-om.

Doin your mom doin doin your mom

You know we straight with doin your mom

I'm havin' sex with your mother

That makes me better than you.

I'm havin' sex with your mother

That makes me better than you.

There were 500 bricks on a plane. One fell off.

Little Sally was crossing a river full of crocodiles. How did she survive the river? She had a gun. When she got out of the river, she died. Why? Because a brick fell on her head.

When people mean "phat feast," they don't mean fat.

When yo mumma says "phat," she means FAT but thinks she's cool!