Mickey Mouse went to a Psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.” The Psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.” He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday, you know Dad has a big belly and that's why mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." . Says that little boy: "But mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and sheblows his belly up again!"
Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.
... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.
my girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex and I said what's that, she said I fuck her ass, I said oh my uncle calls that shhhhh
What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex.
She was too young.
Broccoli is like anal sex.
If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
A "glad-he-ate-her".
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common? You were bloody and battered but at least you're dad came.
a boy walks in on his parents having sex."What are you doing to my mother?!",the boy screams at his father,and runs out of the room.soon,the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room.They both go running.They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything."What are you doing to my mother?!",the father screams."It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?",says the boy
My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once We had sex afterwards even though she lost
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
What's the best part of having sex on a golf course?
The hole experience.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. -- But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.
What is a glory hole at the adult bookstore used for? campaign contribution to the Republican Party
what's the difference between your job and a dead hooker? your job still sucks
