Sex jokes
How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says, "Hey dad! Whatcha doin'?"
His father says, "I'm filling your mom's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh yeah, well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because the milk man filled her up this morning."
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don't care if she has one.
Don’t have phone sex without protection, you might get hearing aids!
What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
What’s black, white, and red all over?
An ethnic orgy.
I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."
Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box!
Get a fucking life, you horny bastards!
A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Suck dick.
Closer kin, deeper in!
What do you call the penises of gay men that are in wheelchairs?
Meals on wheels 😋😍🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?
They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.
What is the best part about Alabama prostitutes?
Family comes first.
How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I'm so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.