Sex jokes
What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.
Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.
After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”
The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”
Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”
Would you rather eat a girl out who has: herpes, COVID, and AIDS while she is on her period?
Or eat live worms, bats, and mice?
I have a short TRUE story of how I found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend.
When my brother was 12-13 years old, he fucked his best friend and I saw it. I was like 4-5 years old, UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. All I heard was "ahh" and "mmm". The only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". I was so traumatized that I told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "He's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT... NO YOU DUMBASS. He was playing the game "SEX", more like "GAY SEX".
I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that I heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend!
I actually got so curious, I opened the door and saw them doing "69". I was blank white after I saw it. I will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it.
(just a btw, I still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..)
(He ain't no virgin anymore I guess lmfao.)
(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)
Why did God give women legs?
1. To look at.
2. To wrap around your neck when you’re eating her out.
What's the point of sex when you're gay?
Because only gay people jerk off.
What do dino nuggies and the brown M&M have in common?
I want to fuck them both.
WOULD YOU RATHER:
Eat 20 lbs of cow s**t?
or
Drink a gallon of sperm?
Why can't orphans have sex? Because they have no one to call "daddy."
What's a native chick say after sex?
"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"
What is a glory hole at the adult bookstore used for?
campaign contribution to the Republican Party.
I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.
In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.
My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.
Do you think you can solve a riddle about my penis because I don't think you can...
It's too hard.
Good sex sounds like a white man walking across the street with flip-flops on.
Having sex in the woods and a deer walks up and fucks you from the back.
If two people who have the clap sleep together, did they make an applause?
What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.
Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.
One day, Little Johnny came home with his girlfriend and told his dad, "We're gonna go to my room and do some homework." His dad said okay. Five minutes later, Little Johnny's dad heard noises coming from his room, so he went to go see what it was, and all he heard was, "Baby, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh." Little Johnny's dad started banging on the door and said, "Little Johnny, what are you doing in there?" Then Little Johnny said, "Dad, we're just having sex." Then Little Johnny's dad said, "Oh, I thought you were listening to some Justin Bieber up in here."