Sex jokes
My stepmom kicked me out of the house because I was raped and got pregnant. I kicked her to death because she had sex and gave birth to my rapist stepbrother.
What is the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne waits for a boy to turn twelve before it comes on his face.
Q: What’s the hardest thing about fucking a dude with a dildo?
A: Making sure he doesn’t wake up.
One day, Little Johnny came home with his girlfriend and told his dad, "We're gonna go to my room and do some homework." His dad said okay. Five minutes later, Little Johnny's dad heard noises coming from his room, so he went to go see what it was, and all he heard was, "Baby, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh." Little Johnny's dad started banging on the door and said, "Little Johnny, what are you doing in there?" Then Little Johnny said, "Dad, we're just having sex." Then Little Johnny's dad said, "Oh, I thought you were listening to some Justin Bieber up in here."
Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.
When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?
The woman was thinking she wanted to have sex, but one second later, she did it on the street with a criminal.
How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?
That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!
There are two sexes: one with your mother and the other with you.
My wife is so fat. After sex, I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!
I wanted to fuck my mom, but she replied, "My pussy only belongs to your dad." That's why I had to fuck her in the a$$!
How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.
What does a condom and a coffin have in common?
They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.
My father taught me a lesson of sex in a hypothetical way.
My stepmother gave me a lesson [on] how [it] is going inside?
What do dino nuggies and the brown M&M have in common?
I want to fuck them both.
What's the best thing about fucking 21 year olds?
There's 20 of them.
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?
I pull out of the driveway.
(insert funny joke about a dick here).
Did you laugh? Be honest.
Why can't orphans convert to Catholicism?
Because Catholics believe in no sex before marriage.