Sex jokes

What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.

This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.

Big penis.

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"

Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"

As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.

Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."

A boy walks into the bedroom and sees mom and dad having sex. The boy says, "What are you doing?"

"Baking a cake."

The next day he walked up to his mom doing dishes.

"Remember when you were making a cake? I LICKED UP ALL THE FROSTING."

What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?

Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."

So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.

Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.

A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.

Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”

What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.

Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!

Official orgasm donor.

I want your cock in my rock bottom.

Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of cliffs? They push back harder.

What comes after 69?

Mouthwash.

Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.

What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

Eat my ass!

Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.

What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?

A Topping.

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.