Sex jokes
What instrument do people like to listen to while having sex?
A sex-a-phone.
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?
It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.
Saying balls go into pussy.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so they could fuck in the water. But Jack forgot to use protection and now they have a daughter.
Swallow cum, not gum.
I was at a bar. The girl said, "Sex, sex, free sex tonight," when she really said, "663629."
Charizarding.
When you light a girl's pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz, then flap your arms and say, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"
My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.
Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!
What is white and comes out after you have sex?
Cum!
What does a Chinese man say to his partner when having sex?
"Ching Chong Soc Mai Ding Dong"
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.
Q. What do you call anal sex with a politician?
A. A backroom deal.
My wife purely hates me for me having sex with our daughter. It's not my fault I couldn't wait to get out of the abortion clinic!
After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?
My penis.
So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...
...their new slogan?
The Quicker Pecker Upper.
Don't say you want to eat out a five-year-old's pussy, because I have already shoved a glass dildo in her tight ass pussy, UwU.
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
What did the woman say to the man?
"Stop."
What did the man do?
Keep going.
FUCK MEN IN THE ARSE