Sex jokes
What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?
Fucks funny.
"Dick me down shorts."
What did the Pokémon say after having sex?
"My ball was sore!"
What do you call lesbians having sex?
My cheating dyke ex-wife!
I heard you were looking for a stud...
I already have the STD; all I need is you.
What do lovely men and tampons have in common?
Both lick up the juices of the women they were made for.
Pussy = drugs.
Ur mum smells like shit, yeah, so she sucks a man off and washing machine. Yo, don’t at me, yeah, you chicken breath.
What itches a lot?
Syphilis.
What do you call five black people having sex? A threesome.
Anal.
When you go to your girlfriend's house but accidentally go into her dad's room and fuck him anyway.
Why can’t a tree have sex? They are always tied up.
Why did the rapist not get sentenced?
Because rule 69 said so 🤣🤣
Watching porn.
Watching porn blow my dick like a basset horn.
It’s nice hitting it from the back when my wife has wide hips.
Her butt cheeks look like big huge ball sacks as my thighs smack up against them when I’m thrusting. I like to finish off by grinding my weiner up and down her back like a gay man frotting his schlong on his partner’s ding dong.
How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?
When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.
Porn *sex noises*
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!