Sex jokes

What do you call someone who hates rape jokes? An ugly feminist that couldn't get a cock in her mouth.

I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.

What's a good way to masturbate?

Get somebody to do it for you.

Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.

What do you call a spaceman’s willy?

A Shuttlecock!

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!

A guy threatened to touch me yesterday...

How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!

cock, cock, and cum

How do you stop a woman from choking?

Back up an inch.

How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?

Once you take away the legs and the breasts, you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.

Wanna play shark attack? I eat, you scream!

Hey, are you suicide? Because I want to do you!

Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.

Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.

What was Hitler’s favorite sex position?

Sixty nein.

Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

A: He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉

What do you call your Indian best friend who is the ABSOLUTE BEST at cunnilingus? A Curry Muncher.