Sex jokes
My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.
What is something feminists crave but will never get? Semen.
What do you call a vegan slut?
A garden ho!
My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.
How do you know when your sister is on her period? When your dad's cock tastes of blood.
A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
What do you call someone who hates rape jokes? An ugly feminist that couldn't get a cock in her mouth.
I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.
A guy threatened to touch me yesterday...
Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.
What do you call a spaceman’s willy?
A Shuttlecock!
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?
Once you take away the legs and the breasts, you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.
Wanna play shark attack? I eat, you scream!
What was Hitler’s favorite sex position?
Sixty nein.