Sex jokes
So a woman walks into a magician's toy store and browses the collection. Among which was a black, phallic-looking object. She brings it to the counter and asks, "what's this?"
The cashier explains that it's a magical dildo that will listen to whatever you say, "fuck me in the ass," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the ass, "fuck me in the pussy," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the pussy, "faster," it'll go faster, "harder," it'll go harder. She bought this magical artifact and went home for a night of fun and pleasure.
After receiving several orgasms from the magical dildo, she'd had enough, and she told it to stop, but it didn't. The dildo continued to penetrate her, it would go harder and faster, but it refused to stop or slow down. In a panic, she ran over to her car and drove to the hospital to get it surgically removed. Her panic made her disregard the traffic rules, and she quickly found herself pulled over by a cop. As she pulled down her window, the cop leaned towards the door and asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going!?", the woman tried to explain the situation, she told the officer about the magical dildo stuck in her pussy, but the officer didn't believe her, "magical dildo, my ass" he said, and the lady drove home.
Only one of Kenny's girlfriends has ever said he's good in bed.
But she has to. She's his mom.
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace.
What do gay horses eat?
Horse dick.
Kids are cute, not even joking. Wanking is easy around them.
Why can’t kids with cancer have anal sex?
Because they have cancer.
My penis is too big for my dad to suck it, so my mum sucks it instead.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a Twinkie?
Nothing. They both squirt their white stuff when you eat it.
Roses are red, violets are fine, you'll be the 6 and I'll be the 9.
Kenney lost his virginity to a $10 hooker, but he only had to pay $5. She was his sister, so he got the family discount.
Now from the top, make it drop, that's a WAP, that's a WAP.
What does a girl get after having sex with Batman?
Defective rabies.
What is the best type of girl to fuck?
Homeless girls, because after, you can drop them off anywhere.
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
Why did the orphan girl cry during sex?
Because her boyfriend said "Who's your daddy?"
BAJAHAHAHHAA
Why'd I cum all over your mummy's panties? 'Cause she's hot af.
LOLOLOOLOLLOL
Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.
It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.
What do you call a Muslim in America being pursued by a perv?
Alien vs. Predator.
A good man deserves a queen who will pussy slide on his penis casually, frig him with her thighs like a prostitute, make him laugh like a homie, cook like his mama.
"Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom."