See jokes
Went to see a psychic the other day.
I knocked on the door, and she said, "Who is it?"
So I turned around and left.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To show he had guts.
Why did the other hedgehog cross the road? To see his flat mate.
"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.
I gave an orphan 5 dollars and I said, "Spend it on a candy bar." I came back 5 minutes later and he didn't have a candy bar. So I look over and I see that he has a piggy bank that has 40 dollars and I said, "Where did you get that?" He said, "For being homeless," and I said, "What are you going to spend it on?" He looked at me and said, "I'm going to pay money for a mother."
A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, slut!"
I walked towards him.
"I prefer slit," I said.
"Why?" He asked.
"You see these wrists?" I spat at him.
Why did the child throw the butter out of the window?
So she could see a butterfly.
Doctor: Tomorrow is like John Cena, you won’t see it.
If you're ever bored, try scaring the sh*t out of an Asian to see their eyes open for the first time.
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?
Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.
Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.
Prince might be with a new girl, but he still wants Gwen, who doesn't? Other half.
Gwen on the phone with Prince: Prince, stop sending me letters, poems, and memes through Gmail. We broke up, it's over!
Prince on the phone with Gwen: I know, but that new girl that I been seeing is not you! I miss you a lot! Please come back to me.
Gwen on the phone with Prince: I'm gonna hang up now!
Prince on the phone with Gwen: PLEASE DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gwen on the phone with Prince: Sorry, I can't hear you...you're breaking up...what?!
Prince on the phone with Gwen: Gwen! DO NOT HANG UP !!!!!!!!
Gwen on the phone with Prince: Okay...bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
What did the parents say to the orphans?
"YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"
What did Jupiter say to Uranus? Hey, I can see your Uranus from here!
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
Me before: Why do bandanas exist? They're ugly.
Me after seeing your hairline: Oh, I seeee.
Me giving pro tip: Get a bandana LMAO.
Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"
If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.
Cheer on the rapist if you want.
Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”
The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”
Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.
*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...