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Three scientists are doing an experiment. They are trying to find out what happens when you stick a cork in an elephant's ass.
In the lab, they each look at each other and decide that they should hire a monkey to do it. The monkey sticks the cork up the elephant's ass, and the scientists wait three weeks.
The monkey pulls out the cork, and all three scientists go back and discuss what they saw.
The first one, standing one mile away, says all he could see was a wave of brown, then it all went black. The second, standing two miles away, said the same. The third, who was standing three miles away, said all he could see was the other two get consumed by a massive cloud of brown.
Guess what's "tiiiimmeeeee ABDE?"
....yes, it is "long time no see."
A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there's a knock at the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, "What was that all about?"
What is worse than seeing your sibling drown?
Getting the water bill.
What does Can do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
Why does no one look up at Steven Hawking?
You have to look down to see him.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
I made a website for orphans, but it doesn't have a home page.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Cause they come back.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Girls are like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
If you hit an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
If you hit an orphan with a car, at least you don't have to tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
What does an orphan call a family photo? A selfie.
Why was the orphan a big success? Cause people say go big or go home, he only had one option.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What do orphans and blind kids have in common? They can’t see their parents.
Why can't orphans hear about ancient Egypt? Because they don’t know what a mummy is.
Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
It was an important knockout game for Al Nassr. I came to Riyad to see my idol Cristiano Ronaldo play. It was my dream for a long time. I took a cab to the stadium, but the driver dropped me off at a haunted house instead.
As soon as I entered the house, I saw a ghost, but the very next moment I realized it's my idolo Ronaldo. Thank you Ronaldo for meeting me!
I went to see my dentist, and she warned me it was going to hurt. Then, she told me she was having an affair with my husband. Good news though...the cleaning didn't hurt.
A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.
The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."
Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."
So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"
The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"
The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"
You're so fat, you drank an invisibility potion, and everyone could still see you!
Highest level of insult by a girl by seeing a guy's dick:
"I can shit bigger logs than that thing of your's" 🤣
Can you see me?
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."
I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
A B C D E F G H I see a bitch in front of me.
I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.
The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."
What did the kid with cancer say? "Can-I see my mom one more time?"
Listen, if my mom sees me on Roblox at 3 a.m., she said she would bang my head against the keyboardndfndfnnckvnksdvknkdsfnvbfw.