See jokes
When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.
When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.
When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.
When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.
Me: Can I borrow your CD?
Friend: What CD?
Me: See deez nuts in your mouth.
Q: Wanna see something funny?
A: Sure.
*bomb Florida*
Your hairline is so repulsive that my entire family got eye cancer from seeing it, and it goes so far back that you be looking like Vegeta.
A German soldier was walking down the street in a hail storm and a woman got hit unconscious. He ran over to see if she was ok. Other people came running over. They asked what happened, and the German soldier said, "Hail hit her."
When a person asked to see her balance at a bank, they pushed him over.
When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.
A German, a Swiss, and a Russian make a bet: whoever has the most forest area in their country wins about 10,000 euros.
First, they fly over Switzerland: 8,000 square kilometers of forest. The German starts getting cold feet, as he doesn't think he'll win. Next, they fly over Russia: 50,000 square kilometers of forest. The German realizes he doesn't stand a chance unless he cheats.
When they fly over Germany, they see 10,000 square kilometers of forest. The German seems to have won, but then the Swiss shouts: "That's a tree!" The German was accused of fraud.
The German is furious. He calls the head of the Bundeswehr: "Why did the tree move?!" The boss said, "I'll put the guy who moved on the line," and passed the receiver over.
"Why did you move?" the German asked.
The young man replied: "Okay, when a dog came along and peed on my trunk, that was still fine. But then a bear came along and rubbed against my trunk..."
"Did everyone see that because I will not be doing it again."
- Captain Jack Sparrow
What happens if you look in the mirror and say fentanyl 3 times? You'll see Derek Chauvin kneeling on George Floyd's neck.
Spell "attic."
Okay. A-T-T-I-C. /a titi/ tata. I see.
I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.
So people call me poor until they see my bank account.
Yo ass so fat that you can't see your toes.
When you go to the movies, you take up seven rows.
Roses are red, the grass is greener, when I see you, I play with my wiener.
Do you see the toilet?
You know, that I see my sister at home from school. She says everyone bullies me. I say, "Because you're a fat a**."
People go to places to see Harry Potter live, but you can just go to the abortion place and see something disappear.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels! We'll see him soon.
What is yellow?
Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To show he had guts.
Why did the other hedgehog cross the road? To see his flat mate.