Science jokes

What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?

Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.

What planet has a butt? Uranus!

What did the sun say to the Earth?

"Am I hot?"

What did the ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, it just waved.

Why is 3 such a helpful number? Because 3 helped out on a science project 4 5!

The reason Stephen Hawking died is because he drove too far from the wall. The cord unplugged.

I tried to think of how lighting works.

Then it struck me!

I wonder if Stephen Hawking heard the song "Gangster's Paradise." Oh, shit, he can't!

Did you ever walk into Steve Hawking's house?

"No."

He hasn't too.

"Wheel" all miss him, right?

Uranus is a gas giant.

I’m reading a book about Anti-Gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

I was boiling some water and said, "Water, you will be mist!"

Want to know why some astronomers are gay?

It’s because they want to be in Uranus.

What's the definition of total chaos?

A bus load of retards passing a magnet factory.

I'm reading a book on anti-gravity, it's impossible to PUT DOWN!

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space.

Are you made of gold, titanium, sulfur, titanium, and carbon?

Cuz you’re looking a little big Au Ti S Ti C.

I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.

You have two parts of [your] brain, "left" and "right". In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.