Science jokes
Q: Why can't dinosaurs clap?
A: Because they're dead.
How did Stephen Hawking die? Because he didn't charge his batteries.
Sand under docks is very resilient. It doesn’t give in to pier pressure.
He dead, he alive, but most importantly, he got a new hard drive.
Q. What did one Iron atom say to the other Iron atom?
A. "We're in the Matrix."
How do you start a fight in space?
"Comet me, bro."
Yo mama's so heavy and fat, gravity could not hold her down.
What do you call a guy who has sex on the Moon?
An “Astronut”!
Kid to daddy: "Why do they call it Uranus?"
Daddy to kid: "Cause, son, it's Uranus."
Rocks are used too much; people take 'em for granite.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to Hell?
He couldn't get up the stairway to Heaven.
Suicide: Turning one's biology into complex organic chemistry.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What did Stephen Hawking's computer say when he died?
"ERROR"
Stephen Hawking went bankrupt after he found out somebody in his house was costing him way too much money on electricity bills.
He just couldn’t figure out who.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a refrigerator?
The fridge actually runs.
My girlfriend has a huge crush on Jupiter, I mean she fell HARD!
Yo mama so fat, NASA has a satellite orbiting around her.
What's the definition of total chaos?
A bus load of retards passing a magnet factory.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"