Science jokes
Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"
I moved all the Bibles to the fiction section because there is no God, as said Stephen Hawking in 2011, but in 2018, God said there was no Stephen Hawking.
It was not a hijack, it was Stephen Hawking.
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A mega-sore-ass.
Memes
False.
People might not laugh at my jokes, or have a reaction at all, but I'd explode with euphoria.
Periodically, people might laugh every now and then.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
What is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut?
They are always so distant! :-]
For one of the most highly regarded minds on the planet, it is a shame he could not create a longer-lasting battery.
What do you call a mushroom that makes music?
A decomposer.
Sixteen molecules of sodium walk into a bar. Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN!!!
How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?
Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.
What happened the night Stephen Hawking came home wasted?
Nothing... wife couldn’t tell.
What does NASA stand for?
Neil Armweak Sorry Armstrong.
The emo girl in my class did her photosynthesis project on a tree. Little did she know that would be her demise later on.
Why could dinosaurs not talk? Because they were dead.
Your hairline's so far back even Bill Nye the Science Guy couldn't use photosynthesis to fix it.
How do astronomers organize a party? They planet.
What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?
You die of laughter.