Science jokes
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking in a house fire.
How does Stephen Hawking go to the toilet? He logs out.
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
The first ever picture of a black hole got released. It sucks.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal? His left shoulder.
Memes
He was telling the truth in a different way...
Me to bully: You are so fat that when the satellite took the picture, you were considered as an island.
Bully: (Speechless)
I'm no astronomer, but I’m pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.
What's the biggest problem with gravity?
It keeps putting people down.
Why was the kinetic sand always happy?
Because it was kinetic with its friends!
Stephen Hawking shows up to a car meet-up.
Yo momma so fat that she don't need a backpack. She keeps her things in her Lagrangian points.
So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."
What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.
You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.
Where does the resistor go after a long day?
It goes Ohm.
Q: What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of Helium?
A: HeHe.
What do you do with a dead scientist?
You barium.
Why are astronauts forgetful?
They're always spacing out.
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"