Science jokes
How does Stephen Hawking go to the toilet? He logs out.
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.
I'm no astronomer, but I’m pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.
You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.
Memes
Why are astronauts forgetful?
They're always spacing out.
Why was the kinetic sand always happy?
Because it was kinetic with its friends!
Me to bully: You are so fat that when the satellite took the picture, you were considered as an island.
Bully: (Speechless)
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal? His left shoulder.
The first ever picture of a black hole got released. It sucks.
What's the biggest problem with gravity?
It keeps putting people down.
So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."
Stephen Hawking shows up to a car meet-up.
Yo momma so fat that she don't need a backpack. She keeps her things in her Lagrangian points.
What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.
Where does the resistor go after a long day?
It goes Ohm.
How do our brains remember that we forgot something, but we can't remember what that thing was?
What's black and sits on top of a staircase?
Stephen Hawking's after a house fire.
A Biologist, a Chemist, and a Statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician shouts, "We got him!"
What’s better than Stephen Hawking?
Stephen walking.