Say jokes

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

They say they'll stay, but I left first.

What did the plane say to the tower?

"Give me a kiss."

John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.

Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"

John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"

What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."

A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."

I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?

"Sum ting wong."

What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."

What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.

"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.

"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.

"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.

A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."

What do you say to a depressed special kid?

“Why so down?”

A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"

Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.

The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

Two cows are grazing in a field.

One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"

The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"

Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"

What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?

"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."

Why does Sans say "I got a bone to pick with you?"

Because he needs to pick your balls.

Well, you know what they say about cliffhangers...