Say jokes

My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."

What did the cowboy say to the girl on the beach?

"Sandy cheeks."

What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?

Next time I’m bringing all my friends.

What's the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?

Straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo."

A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do."

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.

So there were these two wind turbines standing in a field, and one of them asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"

The other thinks for a moment and says, "I'm a big metal fan."

My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"

What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?

"Nice tits, bitch."

My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.

What a weird way to start a conversation!

A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?

"Thanks for coming."

How do you make a dishwasher work again?

Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"

Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?

First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:

"The canons be ready, Captain!"

"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!

What did the HP say to a Dell?

Hello!

I say hi to Sans. Sans shows his hand and says, "It's hand to meet you," and we both laugh.

What does the policeman say to the jumper?

"Hey! Pullover!"

What did Gandalf say to Mario? "You shall not pass!"

Asians love it when a British person says "Rice!"