Say jokes

What does a cow say? Moo.

I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.

What did the two crewmates say when they were hanging on a rope? Polus up!

when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"

I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨

They say they'll stay, but I left first.

What did the plane say to the tower?

"Give me a kiss."

John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.

Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"

John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"

What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.

"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.

"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.

"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.

What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?

"Sum ting wong."

What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."

What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"

Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.

The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."

Confucius say, female pilot who fly upside down have crack up.

What did one copper say to the other? C U.