Say jokes
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
I would say life's a joke, but I can't, because jokes have a meaning.
What did the plane say to the tower?
"Give me a kiss."
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."
What is something you can’t say in a superhero movie?
“Is it a bird, is it a plane, well whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the World Trade Center.”
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
Why does Sans say "I got a bone to pick with you?"
Because he needs to pick your balls.
People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.
The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."
Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?
First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:
"The canons be ready, Captain!"
"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!
What does the policeman say to the jumper?
"Hey! Pullover!"
What do you say to a depressed special kid?
“Why so down?”
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
What did the two crewmates say when they were hanging on a rope? Polus up!
when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"
What did Gandalf say to Mario? "You shall not pass!"