Say jokes

Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.

"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.

"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.

"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.

What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?

They both say "Hello children!"

What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."

What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."

My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.

What a weird way to start a conversation!

Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.

A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.

The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."

The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?

Nothing, you told her twice.

Why do people come on here just to say that we should not be making these jokes? They literally look this shit up just to complain.

What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"

People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?

What did the kid say to the emo?

"Don't leave me hanging!"

I don't see why people say emo kids never hangout.

What do you say to a guy with Down syndrome who’s on top of a sky scraper? "Jump!"

When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"

A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend asks, "Where is your girlfriend?"

The guy replies, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week, and you'll find out!"

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day.

It was a complete waste of money.

He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."