Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
Say Jokes
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”
And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.
What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
Nothing, you told her twice.
Why do people come on here just to say that we should not be making these jokes? They literally look this shit up just to complain.
What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"
People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?
What did the kid say to the emo?
"Don't leave me hanging!"
I don't see why people say emo kids never hangout.
What do you say to a guy with Down syndrome who’s on top of a sky scraper? "Jump!"
When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend asks, "Where is your girlfriend?"
The guy replies, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week, and you'll find out!"
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
It was a complete waste of money.
He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
What did the balls say to the dick?
Hey dick, how's it hanging?
My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.
I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.
How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?
Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.
