Say jokes

What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.

"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.

"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.

"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.

A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."

What do you say to a depressed special kid?

“Why so down?”

A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"

Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.

The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

Two cows are grazing in a field.

One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"

The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"

Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"

Why does Sans say "I got a bone to pick with you?"

Because he needs to pick your balls.

Well, you know what they say about cliffhangers...

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"

"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."

I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.

What did the two crewmates say when they were hanging on a rope? Polus up!

when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?!"

What did one orphan say to another orphan?

"Get in the batmobile, Robin!"

What does a cow say? Moo.

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

What did the cow say to its udders? "Hi."