Say jokes

I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?!"

What did the cow say to its udders? "Hi."

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

What did one copper say to the other? C U.

What did the big flower say to the little flower?

Hi, Bud!

Confucius say, female pilot who fly upside down have crack up.

What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?

"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."

The crocodile just kept saying, "No!" He was in Da Nile!

What did Gandalf say to Mario? "You shall not pass!"

What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"

My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.

What a weird way to start a conversation!

What's the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?

Straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo."

A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do."

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.

What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."

My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"

What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?

"Nice tits, bitch."

What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?

They both say "Hello children!"

I would say life's a joke, but I can't, because jokes have a meaning.

What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?

Smash.

(Get it?) 9/11.