Say jokes

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

An Asian went to bed at 9:00, woke up at 6. People say he's still sleeping.

What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?

"Thanks for coming."

How do you make a dishwasher work again?

Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"

John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.

Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"

John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"

Why does Sans say "I got a bone to pick with you?"

Because he needs to pick your balls.

What did the plane say to the tower?

"Give me a kiss."

What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."

Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.

"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.

"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.

"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.

What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"

"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."

What did the two crewmates say when they were hanging on a rope? Polus up!

I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨

when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"

What does a cow say? Moo.

I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.

What did one orphan say to another orphan?

"Get in the batmobile, Robin!"

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?!"

What did the cow say to its udders? "Hi."

What did the HP say to a Dell?

Hello!