Say jokes

The crocodile just kept saying, "No!" He was in Da Nile!

What did Gandalf say to Mario? "You shall not pass!"

I say hi to Sans. Sans shows his hand and says, "It's hand to meet you," and we both laugh.

What does the policeman say to the jumper?

"Hey! Pullover!"

What did the HP say to a Dell?

Hello!

An Asian went to bed at 9:00, woke up at 6. People say he's still sleeping.

I would say life's a joke, but I can't, because jokes have a meaning.

What do you say to a depressed special kid?

“Why so down?”

My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.

What a weird way to start a conversation!

Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.

An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."

Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.

"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.

"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.

"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.

What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?

They both say "Hello children!"

What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."

What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."

Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?

A: Make sure to come upstairs!

What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?

"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."

A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.

The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."

The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.