Say jokes

POV: You walk up to your short friend and say, "How is the weather down there?"

There is this little boy, and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?"

She replies with, "These are my headlights."

He looks down and says, "Mommy, what's that?" She says, "That's my garage."

So he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says, "What is that?" The dad says, "This is my snake."

Later that night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage. Daddy's snake is trying to get in!"

What did the shoes say to the pants?

"SUP, BRITCHES!"

Me: What did the twin say to the other twin?

Friend: I don't know.

Me: I'll fall with you.

What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?

Afgan-I-Stand.

What did God say to the good shepherd?

Nothing.

How do you say “Yes, you look good” in Spanish?

– Sí...

See deez nuts!

When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."

Nothing makes a guy happier than when his girlfriend says, “Go and lock the door first...”

What did the hairline say to the hat?

"We go way back..."

The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say."

The doctor says, "Next, please."

What does the Fox say?

Fraka - kaka - kaka - kow.

What did one casket say to the other casket?

"Is that you coughin'?"

A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'm here to assassinate John Tucker." The bartender replies, "He’s in the restroom." The hitman goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour.

The bartender asks him, "Did you kill him?" The hitman replies with a sad face, “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools, so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour, and when I asked him what’s taking him so long, he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started.”

Michael J. Fox walks into the grocery store to buy some salt. When he comes out, a kid turns to his mother and says, "Look mom, a salt shaker!"

Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

Part 2: He walks up to a stake and nails himself there. Then he finds the knife and says to someone to find a cake to celebrate his death, but everybody came. That was the sign that nobody loved him, and that's how you know if people love you.

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

I went up to an orphan bully and I said, "Here, look, I made a website!"

The orphan likes it, but the kid says, "I forgot one feature, though... the home button."

Go to the replies, look at the top and it will say "in your mum."