What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?
"Stop it! It hertz so much!"
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.
Two wind turbines were standing on a hill.
One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The other one says, "I'm a big metal fan."
I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”
That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
The best joke in the world is me.
Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.
My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.
How do you say "Brazier" in German?
Stop 'em from floppin' (German accent)
Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"
What 7 letters do you say when you open the fridge and see it’s empty?
O I C U R M T
What did the orphan say to the other? "Quickly Robin, to the Batmobile!"
A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "Now were not even allowed to do that."
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
What does the suicidal person say on New Years?
"New year, no me."
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
what did Bruce Willis say after he had a vasectomy? "snip-y ki yay motherfucker"
I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.
What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"
