Say jokes

What did one depressed kid say to the other?

Hey, wanna hang together?

What does the suicidal person say on New Years?

"New year, no me."

What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"

People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?

What 7 letters do you say when you open the fridge and see it’s empty?

O I C U R M T

How do you say "Brazier" in German?

Stop 'em from floppin' (German accent)

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

Michael Jackson broke his window. What does he say? "I can't see."

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

What did the orphan say to the other orphan?

"Get into the Batmobile, Robin."

I'm not saying you're ugly, but you're the reason God created miscarriages!

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

What did the short Chinese man say when he was called a dwarf? "Da fok yu sai tu meee."

What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?

"Drop it, Jamal!"

Two wind turbines were standing on a hill.

One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?"

The other one says, "I'm a big metal fan."

What did the orphan say to the other? "Quickly Robin, to the Batmobile!"

what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?

don't leave me hanging.

Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"

How do you spell ihop?

Then spell ihop and say "ness".