Say jokes

What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.

A man walks into a bar.

Then he walks into a Pole.

Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"

What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?

Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."

I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.

The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"

What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"

What does the suicidal person say on New Years?

"New year, no me."

I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.

What did one depressed kid say to the other?

Hey, wanna hang together?

People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?

Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:

"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

What did the north tower say to the south tower during the summer? Get ready for fall!

Michael Jackson broke his window. What does he say? "I can't see."

What did the orphan say to the other orphan?

"Get into the Batmobile, Robin."

I'm not saying you're ugly, but you're the reason God created miscarriages!

Two wind turbines were standing on a hill.

One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?"

The other one says, "I'm a big metal fan."

Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"

what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?

don't leave me hanging.