Say jokes

What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?

"Stop it! It hertz so much!"

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

What did the orphan say to the other orphan?

"Get into the Batmobile, Robin."

Michael Jackson broke his window. What does he say? "I can't see."

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

What did the north tower say to the south tower during the summer? Get ready for fall!

I'm not saying you're ugly, but you're the reason God created miscarriages!

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

What did the short Chinese man say when he was called a dwarf? "Da fok yu sai tu meee."

Two wind turbines were standing on a hill.

One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?"

The other one says, "I'm a big metal fan."

How do you spell ihop?

Then spell ihop and say "ness".

Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"

What did the orphan say to the other? "Quickly Robin, to the Batmobile!"

what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?

don't leave me hanging.

A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.

The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"

People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?

What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.