Say jokes
A Middle Eastern man comes to the states to do a stand up show. He starts by saying “2 Jews walk into a bar, NOT IN MY COUNTRY!”
This kinda reminds me of when my mum was feeding me. She always used to say, "Open wide for the delicious plane."
A Catholic school is burning down. One of the priests says, "Save the children, save them!" Another priest says, "F*ck the children, we're gonna die!!" The last priest is like, "Hmmm... do we have time?"
Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?
A: It means cats and dogs can talk.
When a homeless kid goes to school and the teacher says, "You have homework tonight," he said, "Sorry, Teach, I don't got a home."
I went to the super market one day and I saw a Caesar salad for 69 dollars. Next minute someone comes up to me and says, "Caesar deez nutz!"
Apple
Apple
Apple
Apple
Apple
Orange you glad I didn't say apple again?
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
POOP!
"Stephen Hawking was talking about a cash register at Costco when he said I can’t stand these people. 😳😳😳😳😳😳 What did he saaaaaaayyyyyyy?"
What did the cat say when he fell off the table?
MEOM!
Q: What did one snake say to the other?
A: Nothing because they are both dead.
I always say I'm single, which annoys my wife.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Ugh, ugh, ugh!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I did not say banana? Ha ha!
What did the grape say when he got squished? Nothing, he just let out a little wine.
Tell someone to say "alpha" and then "kenny one". Tell them to say it very fast. Tell them it sounded like they said, "I'll fuck anyone!"
What did the squash say to the tomato?
Ketchup!
Q) What did the airplane say to the little boy?
A) Nothing, airplanes don't talk!
Wee dyslexic boy and girl in class.
Wee boy says, "Can you smell gas?"
Wee girl replies, "I canny even smell my name!"
Whoever is deleting my messages, comment and say why!