Say jokes
"Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you." mucho_mango: just woke up from my dream what was that.
The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”
Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”
Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”
Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”
The teacher says, “How do you know this?”
Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?””
A man has the power to grant anyone a wish they want.
A kid comes up and says, "I want to be like Batman!"
The man smiles and grants his wish. The child goes home and finds that he is now an orphan.
What did the angel say when it went to heaven? Well, halo there!
What is the weirdest thing to wear and what is the weirdest thing to say?
Weirdest thing to ware: Socks with sandals, also with flip flops!
Weirdest thing to say: "Would you rather be a bath or a toilet?" "The blue angel sea slug looks like an alien." (weird).
Bonus: Things to ware with other things: Crop top with t-shirt (really hip), Crop top with tights or shorts, dresses with tights! (Cool) Oh well byeeeeeee!
Ugly kid, people keep saying I'm ugly.
Me: They're certainly not wrong.
Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?
A: Look in a mirror.
You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."
What did the Roman say to the gladiator?
See you later, gladiator.
When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
Three boys are playing on a slide when a genie appeared.
The genie says, "Whatever you shout when you go down the slide, I will grant you a bucket full of."
The first boy goes down the slide shouting, "diamonds!", and he gets a bucket of diamonds.
The second boy goes down the slide and shouts, "gold!", and gets a bucket of gold.
The third boy, who never listens or pays attention, goes down the slide and shouts "weeeeeeee!"
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."
Guess how I got away from my mom saying I can't play Fortnite? I took my stuff and I ran to Iran.
Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.
The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.
The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Why did the lion say, "I'm faster than you," to the cheetah?
Because it was Halloween!
USS Liberty. Never forget.
It was bombed and destroyed by the Israeli airforce. Thirty-four dead, 171 wounded. The official story says “accident,” yet an American flag was clearly visible on the ship.
Motive: An attempt to cut off our foreign intelligence on Israel? Blame the bombing on an Arab country?
Just imagine if any other nation bombed an American ship...
How do you say "nose" in Spanish?
hmm.... No sé.
A blind man had an argument with a man in a wheelchair. The man in a wheelchair made fun of him saying, "look, there's a spider." The blind man simply said, "Step on it."