Me: I been up all night, no sleep--
The lie detector I didn’t know I had: Lie.
Me: stfu! I’m just singing!
Lie detector: You literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!
Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!
Lie detector: It’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM... You get waken up at 7:00 AM... you only sleep two hours......
Say this out loud: "Gabe Itch."
What did Darth Trump Vader say to evil emperor Putin?
"Yesssss Massager!"
Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"
Funny thing is, dead women can't say no...
A man came running into a hospital saying, "Doctor, Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know I amputated your arms!"
Q: What did Jesus say when he got nailed to the cross?
A: Owwww!!!!!
What did an orphan say to its father?
Nothing.
What do you say to the orphan?
"Shut up, get a mom and dad!"
What did Omnicron say to Delta?
"Same race, bud, different evolution."
"SIX FEET AWAY, OMNI! SIX FEET AWAY!"
What did God say to the good shepherd?
Nothing.
Dam, sometimes when I look at my friend's head, I say, "Dam, that's a dam big head, Nick." Then he is like, "Dude, that's a literal dam."
A guy says to his dog, "Where are you?" The dog was actually dead, bro.
What did the triangle say to the circle? Ur mom.
If a girl says no twice 🤔.
Mathematically that’s a yes, so you’re good to go!
Say "I cup" but in words.
What did Nemo say to the emo?
"Be careful, you can't Nemo your way out of emo."
There were 3 Gay Fish in a Tank. One says to the others: "How do you drive this thing?"
Like this joke if you LOLed! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
An Asian walked up to another Asian that was crying.
He asked, "Is somting wong?"
The other guy says, "I was i a noh paking zon."
What did all the humans say when all the pets left town?
A doggone catastrophe!
