Say jokes
What did one negative say to the other negative? Together we can make a positive.
A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says, "What the hell is that?"
The pirate said, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"
When you want to commit suicide, just say "Allahu Akbar," there will definitely be a blast.
Are guys scared of the word "Choppiness"?
Because it is literally saying "chop-penis."
Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."
What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?
"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."
Why shouldn't you say "I hate you" to your parents?
Ask an orphan.
A handicapped person and an orphan get into a fight. The orphan says, "At least I have two functional legs." The handicapped person says, "At least I have two functional parents."
What did the Brit say to the American?
Well here comes fascism.
People, when your lover cheats on you, do this!
1. Start a conversation. 2. Say, "What's that smell?" 3. They will smell around. 4. Say, "OMG, it's a b****," and walk away and ignore them.
A magic genie tells Tom, "I can make anything of yours disappear!"
Tom raises his mug and says, "Okay, get rid of my tea."
Genie: Poof!
Tom: It didn't work.
Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?
Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.
The cannibal says to the other cannibal, "I like it when humans fall from the sky because then they are meateor."
So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"
Why can't he say that?
Answer: He works at an orphanage.
A teacher says, "What comes before 47?" Quiet kid: "AK!"
Whenever you see an orphan taking a selfie, photo bomb him and say, "Family photo!"
What did Osama say after knocking over the Twin Towers?
He he he haw.
What did the toaster say to the piece of bread? "I want you inside me."
What did the Twin Towers say to the plane?
What did the O say to the O? "O hi O!" (Ohio)