Say jokes

What did a jockey's manager say to him before the race?

"Use the horse!"

I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" and the man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon!"

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

Dam.

The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"

When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."

What did one hurricane say to the other?

"I got my EYE on you!"

What did Sushi 'A' say to Sushi 'B'?

- Wassaaaa....B!

What did the banana say to his neighbor? Yellow!

What did the potato say when the sweet potato told it to hurry?

I yam.

What did the Joker say to Harley Quinn?

Nothing.

What did the rock say to the flower?

Rocks can't talk. -.-

What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?

Moorry Christmas!

(Even though cows can't really have religions.)

Spanish is difficult. When my mom gives me food, she says "toma," and that's drink in English, so I always drink my food.

What did 0 say to 8?

"Hey, nice belt!"

What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?

"Goodnight, Mom!"

My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.

So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.

In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.

Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?

Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.

Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"

So, I was walking down the path of my life with Bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his.

One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, "You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?"

He then looks me straight in the eyes and says, "Raw!"

There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.

They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.

Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.