Say jokes

An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.

The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"

And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.

Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?

Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.

People, when your lover cheats on you, do this!

1. Start a conversation. 2. Say, "What's that smell?" 3. They will smell around. 4. Say, "OMG, it's a b****," and walk away and ignore them.

What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?

OH it's a bitch.

Q: What did the fetus say to the tongs?

A: See you on the flip side.

Whenever you see an orphan taking a selfie, photo bomb him and say, "Family photo!"

If you were to ask me, "Where would be the worst place to commit a crime?" I would say a multi-storey car park, because if you think about it, it would be wrong on so many levels.

So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"

Why can't he say that?

Answer: He works at an orphanage.

A teacher says, "What comes before 47?" Quiet kid: "AK!"

What did the beach say when the tide came in?

"Long time no sea."

Orphans are human too! They have parents like all of us, so I don't know why they're saying it's fun to make fun of an orphan. Have you ever been too cold and wondered if your parents are going to have another child and not you? That's not funny! It is %9000,000 NO!!!!!!!!!!

What was I saying again?

Q: What did the DNA say to the other DNA?

A: Do these genes make my butt look fat? 💩

Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"

I have a taste for some roast duck until the feathers will pop right out and say, "Quack, quack."

What did the toilet paper say when he got stuck in a crack on the side walk?

"I got stuck in a butt crack!"

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!

A Texan and an Alaskan walk in a room. The Alaskan says, "My state is bigger than yours." The Texan says, "It won't be when it melts!"

My teacher said, "Say welcome to our new student; he's an orphan." The teacher said, "Is anyone missing?" I said, "That kid's parents."

When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."