I went up to an orphan bully and I said, "Here, look, I made a website!"
The orphan likes it, but the kid says, "I forgot one feature, though... the home button."
Say Jokes
What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?
"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"
What did the Emo say to the surgeon? "Cut me, please!"
What did the skeleton say to Shrek?
"Jump on me. I can have two layers of skin too."
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
What does Christian say when he wants out of jail?
"Bale me out!"
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing. They just waved.
Did you sea what I did there?
An autistic woman walks into a bar. "A serving of Screaming Banshee, please," she says.
The bartender says, "Ok, you seem to like it, unlike a retired special ed teacher that passed through a few minutes ago."
When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.
A man with a mullet walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "The party's in the back!"
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
What did Steven Hawking say?
Nothing.
A boy walks into some woods with a phone, and his friend comes by and asks, "What are you doing?"
He pauses, then says, "Trying some bird calls!"
What did a jockey's manager say to him before the race?
"Use the horse!"
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" and the man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon!"
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.
The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
What did one hurricane say to the other?
"I got my EYE on you!"
