Say jokes

When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.

If the broccoli said, "I look like a tree," then what did the mushroom say?

"I look like an umbrella."

To everyone saying, "Don't joke about suicide, it's not even funny to laugh about people dying." Do you think we have it easy? Have you ever thought these jokes were helping us to cope? Mind your own business and don't make assumptions on people you know nothing about, please and thanks.

In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:

"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."

(Pause)

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."

"Jeff who?"

"Bezos."

A note for My arts/health teacher:

oh ms aziz, you've got no rizz, all she do is screams, whether u like it or not, she thinks this makes her hot, she thinks this makes her pop but it just makes me want to crack her head from the top, until she says STOP, and down on the ground she goes plop... and her screaming has finally stopped, and my plan hasn't flopped thus far.... plan B is ram her with my car, fill her shoes with tar, and the prahnas i'll set on her go RAWR... she don't know what she coming for.

What did all the humans say when all the pets left town?

A doggone catastrophe!

Jake, Tommy, and Mike were adopted. Jake got adopted, Tommy got adopted, and Mike. Mike grew up to be an office worker. So you get a new job, and hear something about this guy named Mike.

The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY!"

When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."

What did the tiger say to the bunny?

Nice to meat you!

If someone wears black, say, "If you see someone wears black, they always be emo."

Your Roblox friend counts to 10, but she doesn't count to "too." Then Roblox says: "Damn. Your Roblox friend can't count."

It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."

What do you say after you throw an egg at someone? "Yolks on you!"

My name says it all.

What did the orphan say to the barber?

I dunno, the orphanage doesn’t pay for haircuts.

A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."

Say:

"Eye"

Spell:

"Map"

Say:

"Ness"

Now say it fast!

Fancy playing rodeo sex?

"OK then," she said!

Then put your dick in her ass and say it’s not as tight as your sister’s ass and hold on for dear life... real life cow bow boy shit!

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.

The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"