Say jokes

What did the atom say to the positive in math class? "We could make a positive number!"

A pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers. The passenger asks, "Why did you become a pilot?" The pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says, "You're afraid of heights?" "No, I'm afraid of dying alone."

A mushroom walks into a bar and tries to hit on a blonde. When she turns him down, he goes to her and says, "C'mon, I'm a fun guy!"

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.

Then the antidote becomes the most important.

Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?

They'll say "yea."

A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."

A girl comes home and finds her dad and 4-year-old brother on the sofa. She says, "Dad, why is he wearing that face mask?"

The dad buckles his belt and says, "There's more for you, hunny."

Michael Jackson broke his window. What does he say? "I can't see."

My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.

Why is Christianity the most dramatic religion?

Because other religions say, "Do, do, do."

But Christianity says, "Done, done, done!"

What did the blind man say to his dog after eating dinner?

"Just ate a tasty steak!"

So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”

What do gay horses say?

"Hay ya'lllllllllllllll!"

A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"

In the Bible, it says Jesus died for our sins, but he came back to life, so what did he sacrifice?

Was it a weekend to wash away our sins?

What did one orphan say to another?

"Get in the Batmobile, Robin."

Q: What did the ocean say to the boy?

A: Nothing! Oceans don't talk, silly!

Everything is so racist these days, you can't even say "black paint" anymore. You now have to say "Tyrone can you please paint that wall?"

If you turn the word "racecar" backwards, it says "racecar".

But if you turn the racecar sideways, you have Paul Walker's blood on your hands.

What did the rapper say to the ATM?

"Show me the money, or I'll drop a BEAT!"