Say jokes

You can only say "Kobe" now when you're playing flight simulator.

I threw a dodgeball at a blind kid and got him out... guess I can say he didn't see it coming!

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

Gock gock gock ghghghkghlhglhglhk.

What does the cent say when it says hello? It waves.

Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.

Why do orphans say, "Go big or go home?"

So that way they feel important.

An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.

I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."

What did the plane say to the twin towers?

"Lmao, you twins don't know how to play Jenga. Here, let me show you how!" (BOOM) ;)

My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!

What did the plane say to the towers: "Can't go over it, can't go under it, oh no, we got to go through it."

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

"Imagine being an orphan, could never be me," I say. For some reason, everyone started crying, then I walked out of Dave's orphanage.

Are you Spanish, because I will say "Hola."

Do you go to a biblioteca? Also, in Spanish, you will never guess the word "biblioteca." Find it, I dare you.

Your mom's so fat, when she stands on the scale, it says, "To be continued..."

How to know something won’t be fun:

Someone will say, "C'mon, it’ll be fun!"

Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.

Why do-- wait, what am I saying? What am I talking about?